"All it takes is one creeper and kaputtski," demonstrated Vasiliev Baggins, throwing his dust-coated arms out wide. "Down will come hobbit hole, ceiling and all."

When asked why tf didn't they just bring in some scaffolding or beams, he replied, "aye I was just thinkin' the same thing, let's go out front and chop some lumber and hoist it in place," making a sweeping gesture at the cracked, parched, blasted hellscape that stretched from horizon to horizon, punctuated sparsely with broken-down backhoes and sunbleached empty jerrycans.